Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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