I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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