I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
