i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
