i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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