Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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