I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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