i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
