just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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