haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
