so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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