just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
