Someone shit on the floor
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
