The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
