getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
