he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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