My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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