is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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