Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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