I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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