i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
where are my eyebrows?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
