so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
