I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
