i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize