The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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