Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
