I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
