I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize