thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
