apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
