im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
