Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
