If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
smell my finger.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I need moral support for this bender
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
