forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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