she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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