dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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