And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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