We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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