Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize