My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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