i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
