SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize