the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sext me about skeletons
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
