He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
