Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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