I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
