At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Threesome in a minivan. New low
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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