The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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