I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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