I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
