I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
