i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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