Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
