I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
