I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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