I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
