I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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