I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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