I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
