So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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