My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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