Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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