dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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