I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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