One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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