Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
