Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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