in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
