So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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